SOUTHERN WOMEN

Southern women appreciate their natural assets:
Clean skin.
A winning smile.
That unforgettable Southern drawl...

Southern women know their manners:
☼ 'Yes, ma'am.'
☼ 'Yes, sir.'
☼ 'Why, no, Billy!'

Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions:
☼ 'Ya'll come back!'
☼ 'Well, bless your heart.'
☼ 'Drop by when you can.'
☼ 'How's your Momma?'

Southern women know their summer weather report:
☼ Humidity
☼ Humidity
☼ Humidity

Southern women know their vacation spots:
☼ The beach
☼ The rivuh
☼ The crick

Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:
☼ Colorful hi-heel sandals
☼ Strapless sun dresses
☼ Iced sweet tea with mint

Southern women know everybody's first name:
☼ Honey
☼ Darlin'
☼ Shugah

Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:
☼ Fried Green Tomatoes
☼ Driving Miss Daisy
☼ Steel Magnolias
☼ Gone With The Wind

Southern women know their religions:
☼ Baptist
☼ Methodist
☼ Football

Southern women know their country breakfasts:
☼ Red-eye gravy
☼ Grits
☼ Eggs
☼ Country ham
☼ Mouthwatering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly

Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
☼ Chawl'stn
☼ S'vanah
☼ Foat Wuth
☼ N'awlins
☼ Addlanna

Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:
☼ Men in uniform.
☼ Men in tuxedos
☼ Rhett Butler

Southern girls know their prime real estate:
☼ The Mall
☼ The Country Club
☼ The Beauty Salon

Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:
☼ Having bad hair and nails
☼ Having bad manners
☼ Cooking bad food


More Suthen-ism's:
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't 'HAVE' them, you 'PITCH' them.
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Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up 'a mess.'
_____

Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of 'yonder.'
_____

Only a Southerner knows exactly how long 'directly' is, as in: 'Going to town, be back directly.'
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Even Southern babies know that 'Gimme some sugar' is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
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All Southerners know exactly when 'by and by' is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
_____

Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
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Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between 'right near' and 'a right far piece.' They also know that 'just down the road' can be 1 mile or 20.
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Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
_____

No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
_____

A Southerner knows that 'fixin' can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
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Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, ... and when we're 'in line,' . we talk to everybody!
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Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.
_____

In the South, ya'll is singular, all ya'll is plural.
_____

Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
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Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
_____

When you hear someone say, 'Well, I caught myself lookin',' you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
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Only true Southerners say 'sweet tea' and 'sweet milk.' Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. 'Sweet milk' means you don't want buttermilk.
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And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,'Bless her heart' ... and go your own way.
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To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!
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And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!
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And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all ya'll need a sign to hang on ya'lls front porch that reads 'I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could.'
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Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !


(Posted on FB Tuesday, August 25, 2009 at 11:13pm)