Do you enjoy cold weather and the ice and snow?
Did you ever want to hit someone over the head with a large axe?
Have you ever had the urge to try on one of those helmets with the pointy horns?
Do the words, "Uf ya!" and "Ya ya" mean something to you?
Do you enjoy a nice meal of poached salmon with a large tankard of ale?
Do you look spiffy in fur?
Then YOU TOO can be a full fledged Viking!
There's no money involved, no forms to fill out. All you have to do is follow the...
FOUR VIKING PRECEPTS!
1. Defeat your enemies in mortal combat.
2. Leave nothing in your wake.
3. Show no fear.
4. Wear a funny hat with horns.
Written in the early 9th century, only the last of the precepts (wearing a funny hat with horns) shows any real application in the 20th century. So in lieu of that fact, here are the...
FOUR MODERN VIKING PRECEPTS!
1. Defeat your cousin playing Mortal Kombat®
2. Pillage your house, searching for that last piece of cheese hiding in the corner of your fridge (Cheese is always a staple of the Viking diet)
3. Show people scars from all of your operations (especially an appendectomy)
4. Wear a funny hat with horns.
When you follow these rules of thumb, you're ready to grab your battle ax, drink your beer and go off into battle as a full-fledged Viking with all the titles, privileges and responsibilities pertaining hereto.
(Posted on FB Thursday, April 30, 2009 at 1:52pm)
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