Funny Quotes posted by a friend of a friend

I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.

In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday.

The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.

I may be schizophrenic, but at least I have each other.

I am a Nobody.
Nobody is Perfect.
Therefore, I am Perfect.

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.

I love cooking with wine.
Sometimes I even put it in the food.

I'm having an out-of-money experience.

Don't sweat the petty things.
Don't pet the sweaty things.

Corduroy pillows are making headlines!

money isn't everything, but it sure keeps the kids in touch!

And, this is my favorite:


My short term memory is not as sharp as it used to be
Also, my short term memory is not as sharp as it used to be...



(Posted on FB Sunday, February 15, 2009 at 6:22pm)

...to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom...

"I will not die an unlived life. I will not live in fear of falling or catching fire. I choose to inhabit my days, to allow my living to open me, to make me less afraid, more accessible, to loosen my heart until it becomes a wing, a torch, a promise. I choose to risk my significance; to live so that which comes to me as seed goes to the next as blossom and that which comes to me as blossom, goes on as fruit."

Dawna Markova
Author of Open Mind

-I heard this quote at 4:00 AM (Thursday) on a Without A Trace rerun. It took me almost all day to actually find it, but I have. I wanted to share it cuz it's a nice quote!



(Posted on FB Tuesday, May 26, 2009 at 6:58pm)

simple inspirations

from page 130 in Woman's Day June 16, 2009 (I skimmed thru at the DR.s office this morning)

****************************

"...Staying your own path means that you are on the right track. Don't let anyone deter you from that." Eartha Kitt

"You must try to generate happiness within yourself. If you aren't happy in one place, chances are you won't be happy anyplace." Ernie Banks

"Beauty, to me, is about being comfortable in your own skin. That, or a kick-ass red lipstick." Gwyneth Paltrow

"Your regrets aren't what you did, but what you didn't do. So take every opportunity." Cameron Diaz

"If you're going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now." Marie Osmond

"Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else." Judy Garland




(Posted on FB Thursday, May 28, 2009 at 6:46pm)

Quot-A-logues for Smiles/Laughs!

from Two and a Half Men (Jake had been throwing up after drinking)

Charlie Harper: "You know, your body is sending you a message."
Jake Harper: "Yeah, next time I need to chew my food properly. Look at that shrimp. You could polish it off and serve it again."
Charlie: "It's also telling you that alcohol is poison."
Jake: "Then why do you drink?"
Charlie: "Because I have things inside of me that I need killed."


from Everybody Loves Raymond

Ray Barone: "Uhh. It smells like a skunk that came out of the ass of another skunk."


another from Everybody Loves Raymond
(Ray buys Deborah a sex game)

Marie Barone: Another sex game? Didn't you have enough with that other sex game you and Robert used to play all the time when you were kids?
Ray Barone: What?
Marie: You know, the one with all the colored dots...
Ray: TWISTER?



(Posted on FB Saturday, November 7, 2009 at 10:14pm)