Skippy

A woman goes to her boyfriend's parents' house for Christmas dinner.

This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous... They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal.

The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making her eyes water. Left with no other choice, she decides to relieve herself a bit and lets out a dainty fart.

It wasn't loud, but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend's father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing under the woman's chair, and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy!".

The woman thought, "This is great!" and a big smile came across her face. A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn't even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer rrrrrip.

The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!" Once again the woman smiled and thought "Yes!" A few minutes later the woman had to let another rip. This time she didn't even think about it. She let a fart rip that rivaled a train whistle blowing.

Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her, before she shits on you!"



(Posted on FB Sunday, April 18 at 9:24pm)

Irish Alzheimer's

Murphy showed up at Mass one Sunday and the priest almost passed out when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him and said, "Murphy, I'm so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Murphy said, "I got to be honest with you, Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat and I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn has a hat just like mine and I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he would have to take off his hat during Mass and figured he'd leave it in the back of the church. So, I was going to leave after Communion and steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "Well, Murphy, I notice that ya didn't steal McGlynn's hat, after all. What changed your mind?"

Murphy replied, "Well, Father, after I heard your sermon on the Ten Commandments, I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat."

With a tear in his eye, the priest gave Murphy a smile and said; "After I spoke about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal', ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in Hell?"

Murphy slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left me hat."



(Posted on FB Saturday, March 27, 2010 at 9:12pm)

Tired but quick witted Nurse

A very tired nurse walks into a bank,

Totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift.

Preparing to write a cheque

She pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse

And tries to write with it.

When she realizes her mistake,

She looks at the flabbergasted teller

And without missing a beat, she says:

"Well, that's great....that's just great.... Some arsehole's got my pen!"



(Posted on FB Saturday, March 27, 2010 at 6:22pm)

Loyal Wife

There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money.

Just before he died, he said to his wife, “When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me.”

And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.

Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her.

When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, “Wait just a minute!” She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket.

Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.

So her friend said, “Girl, I know you weren’t fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband.”

The loyal wife replied, “Listen, I’m an honest loyal wife, I can’t go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him.”

“You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?”

“I sure did,” said the wife. “I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check.. If he can cash it, he can spend it.”





(Posted on FB Saturday, March 27, 2010 at 3:10pm)

Pulled Over

John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"

"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5,000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"

John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."

Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's a smartbutt when he's drunk and stoned."

Brian from the back seat said, "I TOLD you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!!!"

At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"





(Posted on FB Wednesday, March 24, 2010 at 7:42pm)

A Joke.

You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart.

The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop.

As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that's when you remember: you've been listening to your ipod.





(Posted on FB Saturday, January 31, 2009 at 11:41pm)

For a Chuckle!

I took my dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes (he is 92).

We decided to grab a bite at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find him staring every time.

When the teenager had had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?"

Knowing my Dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response, knowing he would have a good one, and in classic style he did not bat an eye in his response.

"Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son."


(Posted on FB Friday, February 6, 2009 at 6:04pm)

How Does a Dog Change a Lightbulb?

Golden Retriever...
The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out light bulb???

Border Collie...
Just one. And I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund...
I can't reach the stupid lamp!

Toy Poodle...
I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.

Rottweiler...
Go Ahead! Make me!

Shi-tzu...
Puh-leeze, dah-ling. Let the servants...

Labrador Retriever (Lab)...
Oh, me, me!!! Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Can I?? (see also old English sheepdog)

Malamute...
Let the Border collie do it. You can feed me while he's busy.

Cocker Spaniel...
Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Doberman Pinscher...
While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on the couch.

Mastiff...
Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Hound Dog...
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Chihuahua...
Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Irish Wolfhound...
Can somebody else do it? I've got a hangover.

Pointer...
I see it, there it is, right there...

Greyhound...
It isn't moving. Who cares?

Australian Shepherd...
Put all the light bulbs in a little circle...

Old English Sheep Dog...
Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?


(Posted on FB Monday, April 20, 2009 at 8:31am)

Policemens' Balls

A woman was speeding along a highway when she was pulled over by a State Trooper. The officer walked up to her window with his ticket book and asked, "Do you know how fast you were going, Ma'am?"

"I know I was speeding officer, but I'm late for a very important meeting and I'm in a terrible hurry. Please don't give me a ticket. My husband would be so angry. I'll do anything. I'll buy tickets to your Policeman's Ball," she said.

The Trooper looked at her sternly. "State Troopers don't have balls, Ma'am."

The woman stared with open mouth and raised her eyebrows at the Trooper, who turned bright red, put his ticket book away, walked back to his cruiser and drove off.




(Posted on FB Tuesday, June 2, 2009 at 9:45pm)

The Pastor's Ass

The moral to the story is the best!!

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and it won again. The local paper read:

PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.

The next day, the local paper headline read:


BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey.


The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline the next day:

NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.

The bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the paper read:

NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.

The next day the headlines read:

NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

The bishop was buried the next day.


The moral of the story is . . . being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life.


So be yourself and enjoy life.


Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll be a lot happier and live longer!


Have a nice day!



(Posted on FB Tuesday, June 9, 2009 at 10:51pm)

Smart student, Dumb test

A college student needed a small two-hour course to fill his schedule. The only one that fit into his schedule was a course in Wildlife Zoology. He had some reservations about the course because he had heard that it was tough and the teacher was a bit quirky. But it seemed like the only choice, so he signed up.

After one week and one chapter, the professor gave the class a test. He passed out a sheet of paper divided into squares. In each square was a carefully drawn picture of some bird legs. Not bodies, not wings, not colors, not locales-- only bird legs. The students had to identify the birds from the pictures of their legs.

It shocked the student. He didn't have a clue as to what the answers were. The student stared at the test and grew angrier and angrier. Finally reaching the boiling point, he stomped up to the front of the classroom, threw the test on the teacher's desk, and exclaimed, "This is the worst test I've ever seen, and this is the dumbest course I've ever taken."

The teacher looked up at him and said, "Young man, you just flunked the test." Then the teacher picked up the student's paper, saw that he hadn't put his name on it, and asked, "By the way, young man, what's your name?"

At this the student pulled up his pants, revealed his legs and said, "You identify me!"



(Posted on FB Sunday, June 28, 2009 at 5:17pm)

We all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that will make you believe that we all can make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time.

A young family moved into a house, next to a vacant lot. One day, a Construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them "gems-in-the-rough," more or less, adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her ten dollars "pay" she'd received to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay check at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us."

"Oh my goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied,........
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
"I will, if those assholes at Home Depot
ever deliver the fuckin' sheet rock..."

Kind of brings a tear to the eye - doesn't it?


(Posted on FB Sunday, August 16, 2009 at 8:52am)

Keep Off the Grass

A nurse from England was on duty in the emergency department, when a punk rocker entered.

This young woman had purple hair styled into a mohawk, a variety of tattoos and strange clothing.

It was determined that the patient had acute appendicitis and was scheduled for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff found that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it was a tattoo reading: "keep off the grass."

After the prep and the surgery, the surgeon added a small note to the dressing which said: "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."




(Posted on FB Thursday, August 27, 2009 at 2:20pm)

Cute (but stupid) joke Ad-vert-tis-ment

A lady was
driving down
the road and
ran out of gas.
Just at that moment,
a bee flew in her window.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The bee said,
'What seems to
be the problem?'
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

'I'm out of gas,'
the lady replied.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The bee told
the lady to wait
right there and
flew away.
Minutes later,
the lady watched
as an entire
swarm of bees
flew to her car
and into her
gas tank. After
a few minutes,
the bees flew out.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
'Try it now,'
said one bee.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The lady turned
the ignition key
and the car
started right up.
'Wow!' the lady
exclaimed,
'what did you
put in my gas tank'?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The bee answered,
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.


(Posted on FB Friday, September 25, 2009 at 6:42pm)

In an attempt to cheer myself up...

A policeman is walking through the city in London when he sees a yuppie open the door of his car, just as a bus drives past, smashing the door off the city gent's brand new porsche.

The yuppie is totally incensed and runs up to the policeman...

"Just look at what that idiot bus driver did...my brand new Porsche is ruined..and it cost me all of my yearly bonus !!!"

The policeman is amazed at the yuppie close call.... "i don't know...all you care about is money...look at your arm...the bus ripped that off too !!!"

"Jesus", says the flabbergasted yuppie. "my Rolex....."

**************************














**************************
Funny signs found in Great Britain, but could really be found pretty much anywhere...

• IN A LAUNDROMAT: Automatic washing machines. Please remove all your clothes when the light goes out.

• IN OFFICE: After the tea break, staff should empty the teapot and stand upside down on the draining board.

• ON A CHURCH DOOR: This is the gate of Heaven. Enter ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draft. Please use side entrance.)

• OUTSIDE A SECOND-HAND SHOP: We exchange anything - bicycles, washing machines etc. Why not bring your wife along and get a wonderful bargain?

• IN A HEALTH FOOD SHOP WINDOW: Closed due to illness.

• SPOTTED IN A SAFARI PARK: Elephants Please Stay In Your Car. (My favorite!)

• NOTICE IN A FIELD: The farmer allows walkers to cross the field for free, but the bull charges.

• ON A REPAIR SHOP DOOR: We can repair anything (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work.)

• SPOTTED IN A TOILET IN A LONDON OFFICE BLOCK: Toilet out of order. Please use floor below.

**************************




(Posted on FB Sunday, September 27, 2009 at 2:55pm)

A man walks into a restaurant...

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the ostrich, "What's yours?"

"I'll have the same," says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order "That will be $9.40 please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke."

The ostrich says, "I'll have the same."

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the waitress.

"No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a salad," says the man.

"Same," says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62."

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?"

"Well," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp. When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes. My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there."

"That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live!"

"That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact money is always there," says the man.

The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?"

The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt and long legs who agrees with everything I say."


(Posted on FB Saturday, October 24, 2009 at 9:57pm)

TEST YOUR SMARTS!

1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator?


scroll down

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

Open the refrigerator, put the giraffe in and close the door.


keep scrolling

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator?


keep scrolling down

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

Did you say, Open the refrigerator, put the elephant in and close the door?


keep scrolling down

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

Wrong !!!

...Open the refrigerator, take out the giraffe, put the elephant in and close the door. keep scrolling down

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼
3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference. All the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend?


keep scrolling down

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼
The Elephant. (You just stuffed him into the refrigerator! Remember?)


keep scrolling down

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼
4. There is a river you must cross. But it is inhabited by crocodiles. How do you manage it?


keep scrolling down

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

You swim across. All the Crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting.

Many preschoolers got several answers correct. Most adults got them all wrong.

If you got them ALL correct, you are as smart as a preschooler.
If you got #1 wrong, you tend to do simple things in an overly complicated way.
If you got #2 wrong, you didn't think through the repercussions of your previous actions.
If you got #3 wrong, your memory isn't very good anymore.
If you got #4 wrong, You don't listen very well, do you?
If you got them ALL wrong, you need to work on your thinking skills, don't ya think?

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

▼

YOU CAN STOP SCROLLING DOWN NOW!

(Posted on FB Thursday, October 29, 2009 at 10:15am)

Liver and Cheese

Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.

The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.

Aware of her charms and her obvious effect on the three suitors, she decides to be kind and tells them, "The first one who can use the words 'liver' and 'cheese' together in an imaginative, intelligent sentence can go out with me."



The sturdy, muscular black Lab speaks up quickly and says, "I love liver and cheese."

"Oh, how childish," said the Poodle. "That shows no imagination or intelligence whatsoever."



She turns to the tall, shiny Golden Retriever and says "How well can you do?"

"Um. I HATE liver and cheese," blurts the Golden Retriever.

"My, my," said the Poodle. "I guess it's hopeless. That's just as dumb as the Lab's sentence."



She then turns to the last of the three dogs and says, 'How about you, little guy?'

The last of the three, tiny in stature but big in fame and finesse, is the Taco Bell Chihuahua. He gives her a smile, a sly wink, turns to the Golden Retriever and the Lab and says......

'Liver alone. Cheese mine.'

♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

(Posted on FB Friday, October 30, 2009 at 5:07pm)

Quot-A-logues for Smiles/Laughs!

from Two and a Half Men (Jake had been throwing up after drinking)

Charlie Harper: "You know, your body is sending you a message."
Jake Harper: "Yeah, next time I need to chew my food properly. Look at that shrimp. You could polish it off and serve it again."
Charlie: "It's also telling you that alcohol is poison."
Jake: "Then why do you drink?"
Charlie: "Because I have things inside of me that I need killed."


from Everybody Loves Raymond

Ray Barone: "Uhh. It smells like a skunk that came out of the ass of another skunk."


another from Everybody Loves Raymond
(Ray buys Deborah a sex game)

Marie Barone: Another sex game? Didn't you have enough with that other sex game you and Robert used to play all the time when you were kids?
Ray Barone: What?
Marie: You know, the one with all the colored dots...
Ray: TWISTER?



(Posted on FB Saturday, November 7, 2009 at 10:14pm)

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the words back or that you could crawl into a hole?

I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls.

I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who works at the store.

He asked if he could help me.

Without thinking, I looked at him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★


My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts."

My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.

To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★


Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?

My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on him constantly.

One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so of course I checked my seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean.

Then I realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go, and he said, "No."

I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"

"No," he replied.

I just KNEW that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse. Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"

This time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his cheeks and yelled. "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"

While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and
sat down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★


This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any? A true story.

We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"

Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too!

★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★


While on a flight from New York , the Stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off.

The other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up.

Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off!".

No one saw her for the rest of the flight to Houston, and all the other Stewardesses were laughing all the way and so were half of the passengers.

★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★·.·*·.·★

(Posted on FB Sunday, November 8, 2009 at 3:44pm)