» is going to sleep until I wake up. (Thanks Mindi!)
» Yes, in the South, it is totally appropriate to call friends/family/kids/animals/strangers by "pet names" such as Dumplin, Punkin, SweetPea, Darlin, Honeybear, Babycakes, etc. etc. I'm totes an official PRO at this. I just cant help it. Its part of my Southern gentile womanhood. Now back off, 'fore I shoot ya with my rifle. (Thanks Red!)
» WARNING!!! Facebook is "now friends with TOM". :)
» lost her way on the yellow brick road when the white rabbit offered her a choice between red and blue pill.
» Not only do i trip down the stairs i also trip up them; NOW THAT TAKES TALENT!!
» A man and a woman had been married for some time. As with most couples, they had had a couple of kids. Both kids were bright, intelligent, good looking, easy going, etc... So the couple decided to have number three. Shortly after birth the couple began to notice that there were some basic differences between this child and the first two, particularly it's appearance. The kid was just plain ugly. The man finally asked the woman "What happened here?". The woman replied that this time the kid was his.
» used to wonder why Wendy's hamburgers are square. But not anymore...
» selling 2012 insurance. If you die, I'll give you your money back!
» Today's the day I'm unwrapping as if it were a precious gift!
» ❅ ❅ ❅ I like snowflakes but not snow. ❅ ❅ ❅
» If your gonna be 4 hours late, at least have the decency to be in an accident!
» says when life hands you lemons stick 'em in your bra to make your BOOBS look BIGGER!!!
» now taking reservations for Area 57 Tour! Leave your name below if you'd interested.
» is having herself committed next Wednesday.
» Change is inevitable except from a vending machine.
» I do NOT appreciate Murphy's Law!
» FLAME ON!!!
» Pog Mo Thón!
» I HATE LOVE STORIES! (they make me jealous) :P
» Definitely been one of "those" days! Thank God spell checker is workin'!
» Have you ever been walking down the street and realized that you’re going in the complete opposite direction of where you are supposed to be going?
» I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
» Whenever someone says “I’m not book smart, but I’m street smart”, all I hear is “I’m not real smart, but I’m imaginary smart”.
»˙ǝʌıɟ ǝɯ ʇǝƃ uɐɔ ǝɥ sʞuıɥʇ ɹǝʎʍɐן ʎɯ ʇnq 'ʞɔnן pɐq sɹɐǝʎ uǝʌǝs ʇoƃ puɐ ɹoɹɹıɯ ɐ pǝʇsnq ı
» While driving yesterday I saw a banana peel in the road and instinctively swerved to avoid it…thanks Mario Kart.
» MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. Pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.
» Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after DVDs? I don’t want to have to restart my collection.
» What if cars ran on spit? (one answer: pot smokers would be stranded!)
» Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as ‘HILLBILLIES’. You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS! I guess that makes me an APPALACHIAN-AMERICAN! : )
» 6 truths of life. 1. You can't touch all of your teeth w/ your tongue 2. All retards, after reading the first, truth will try it 3. And discover that the first truth is a lie 4. You're smiling now cuz you're a retard 5. You soon will copy & past this for your other retarded friends 6. There's still a smile on your face.
» I'm unique. Just like everyone else.
» yup. still... same as it ever was. same as it ever was. yup.
» ¯\(⊙_◕)/¯ FIX-O-DENT N FORGET IT!!!
» ♫ ♪ It's the end of the world as we know it. It's the end of the world as we know it. ♫ ♪ It's the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.♫ ♪
» I wonder if I got electrocuted by lightning, would I be able turn on the TV in the game room by farting while thinking of the number 4!
» I wish I could enjoy SLEEP and Facebooking @ the same time!!!
» My freckles are spectacular!!!
» You’ve got to love the Irish… ...An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest’s breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, “Sir, have you been drinking?” “Just water,” says the priest. The trooper says, “Then why do I smell wine?” ...The priest looks at the bottle and says, “Good Lord! He’s done it again!”
» lives in the patron state of shootin' stuff! (Tennessee)
» what I want for Christmas: a radio with a sports car wrapped around it!
» when everything's coming your way... you're in the wrong lane!
» when I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
» is on a quest for just the right status update... ...O screw it, I have a headache.
» Everybody wants to go to Heaven, but nobody wants to die.
» Stupid joke of the day: If girls with big boobs work at Hooters, where do girls with one leg work? ...I-Hop
» if you read this, then I'm pleased to have your attention for 3 (maybe 4) seconds.
» Wouldn't "pokes" be more fun if you had to guess who "poked" you?
» really hates children... when they won't let her sleep! AAAAARRRGGGG!!!
» Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
» Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
» "I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use? ...Toothpicks?"
» I used to think I needed to work on being more consistent. But, then I realized "only truly consistent people are dead."
» HURRY FAST!!! This status is about to go!
» 100 % of me is HUMAN (I'm pretty sure), 100% of me is WOMAN (I'm positive!!! ... at least if I am truly ALL human), I'm 100% Mom, 100% Daughter.... so, I am at least 400%!
» "Pollsters say that 40% of dog and cat owners carry pictures of the pets in their wallets." -what does 40% of a cat or dog person look like?
» I started something a while back... I put it aside until I had more time to actually sit down and work on it efficiently....
» OH Lord! I crack myself up sometimes! :D
» HOW DO I GET OUT OF THIS CYCLE???????????????? DO I GET OUT OF THIS CYCLE??????? I GET OUT OF THIS CYCLE??????? GET OUT OF THIS CYCLE???????????????? OUT OF THIS CYCLE?????? OF THIS CYCLE?????????????????? THIS CYCLE?????????? CYCLE???
» DAMMIT! I want my status back! If you have seen it, please send it back to me! I think it went thatta way ------>
» Instead of a "Dislike" button, I think there should be a "cross-eyed face" emoticon button!
» Shama-Lama-Ding-Dong!
» Nitrous Oxide is a WONDERFUL gas!!! :)
» Guys: How do you know who loves you more, your Wife or your Dog? Answer: You lock 'em both in the trunk of your car. Come back in 3 hours and see which one is happy to see you!!! :D
» ♥♡٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶♡♥
» A woman from the deepest, most southern part of Alabama goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word. She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read, 'Billy Bob died'." Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry ma'am, there is a 7 word minimum on all obituaries." Only a little flustered, she thinks things over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read, 'Billy Bob died - 1983 Pick-up for sale.'"
» one of those days... when I just can't find the right rock!
» ٩(◕ ‿ ◕̃)۶ Thank God for the up part of mood swings!
» ^√v^√♥√v^√v^√♥√v^√v^√♥√v^√v THUMP-THUMP THUMP-THUMP THUMP-THUMP
» Zero is 1/2 of eight.
» Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
» I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
» I am not a perfectionist. My parents were though.
» there's nothing like the smell of WET DOG and BURNT FISH STICKS! ...Unless, of course, the dog has gas!
» this iritates me: when I go to put away my cell phone (either in my pocket or purse) and a little voice calls out to me, "Please say a command." ...."SHUT UP!" ...."Did you say call Yim-ka?" (for YMCA) ...."No! I said 'SHUT UP!'"
» Eat mor chikin!
» NA Na Na Na- Na Na Na Na- Na Na Na Na BATMAN!
» Sometimes people really piss me off!
» I am ME, I am MYSELF, I am I!!!!!!!!!!!! If you don't like it, no matter to me... cause I like ME! I like MYSELF! I like I!
» If you're a cowboy, and you're dragging a guy behind your horse, I bet it would really make you mad if you looked back and the guy was reading a magazine.
» I guess the hard thing for a lot of people to accept is why God would allow me to go running through their yards, yelling and spinning around.
» If you're a boxing referee, it's probably illegal to wear a bow tie that spins or changes colors.
» Frikkin' mood swings suck rotten eggs mixed in relish and pineapple chunks!
» This may come as a surprise to you, I do not stay on FB all the time! (It's a surprise to me.)
» Hey you! Is there anybody out there?
» I'm not really here! :Þ
» ♪ ♫ Batman Smells! ♪ ♫ ♪ Robin laid an egg! ♫ ♪
» Potential to go either way...
» Thou shalt not speed through parking lots!
» I don't think it's a good idea to let your dog eat Mexican food and Martha Stewart suggests you create a "whimsical wreath with gumdrops"!
» Martha Stewart tells us: "ornaments add unexpected sparkle to the table." How the heck do ornaments unexpectedly sparkle??? Do they all of a sudden start twirling around like disco balls on table tops? Can you picture it? Little disco balls on table tops? Can you picture it? Little disco balls with legs... ......And, I still think it's a very bad idea to let your dog eat Mexican! :)
» Time to acquire more aluminum foil! My "hats" have all worn out!!!
» Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
» What do you call the fear of getting stuck in a chimney? ........"Santaclaustrophobia"!
» !ǝpısuʍop-Up
» New Year's Resolution: I will spend less than one hour a day on the Internet. This, of course, will be hard to estimate since I'm not a clock watcher.
» I discussed peer pressure and cigarettes with my 12-year-old daughter. Having struggled for years to quit, I described how I had started smoking to "be cool." As I outlined the arguments kids might make to tempt her to try it, she stopped me mid-lecture, saying, "Hey..., I'll just tell them my mom smokes. How cool can it be?" -- Judi Moore
» New Year's Resolution: I will not sit at the computer all the time. I will try to stand while I type for at least thirty minutes a day.
» How do I change the language setting on these Wii games from "Speaking in Tongues" to ENGLISH??????
» I think I will before I actually do.
» Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ is having fun ♥♡♥♡♥ copy & pasting! ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶
» get the machine that goes "BING!".
» ★·.·´٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶`·.·★
» My therapist told me making a New Year's resolution to quit smoking was NOT a good choice for me right now!
» Anyone wanna rent (or lease) a 12 year old girl for a few years???
» The pheonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
» Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
» Do the air bubbles created when you fart in water smell when they pop?
» Why would Dodge make a car called Ram?
» Can't anybody who has a job go in the "employees only" doors at restaurants? Shouldn’t they be more specific and say "employees of this place only"?
» Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
» If you could walk through the walls, wouldn’t you fall through the floor?
» If there were a knowledge contest, would the female winner be called Miss Informed?
» I removed my earlier post because I don't want to argue today! Maybe tomorrow I will feel more like it, maybe next Thursday, who knows. I just don't want to start anything today! Thank you for your understanding. Peace out!
» When you put 'THE' and 'IRS' together, it forms 'THEIRS'. Coincidence? I think not?
» If the energizer bunny attacks someone, is he charged with battery?
» What do you say when someone says you're in denial, but you're not?
» Have you ever thought what life would be like if your name was Anonymous? You'd get credit for everything nobody wanted credit for?
» Why do they call it your "bottom", when it's really in the middle of your body?
» Can a hearse driver drive a corpse in the Car Pool lane?
» Who decided to make Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia the word for 'Fear of long words'???
» goodbye cruel world... (I'll be back later)
» An escalator takes you up↑... why isn't the other side, the side that takes you down↓, called a descalator?
» Why do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front?
» Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, if you can't drink and drive. And, why do bars have parking lots?
» Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?
» What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
» Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
» Does a pet bird wonder why his owner is just sitting there, staring at carpeting, when he sees him reading the newspaper?
» ♪♫•*¨*•Tra La Lala la la, la lala lala!•*¨*•♫♪
» it just dawned on me... Smurfette was the only female smurf! SLUT!!!
» ⋆✩⋆✯⋆✰Twinkle twinkle I'm a star!✰⋆✯⋆✩⋆
» Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it back down to give the vacuum one more chance???
» Why does my bank charge me a fee for 'insufficient funds' when they already know there's not enough money in my account?
» Too bad... some people really miss out on the good in life when they're too serious much of the time.
» Why do we sing 'Take me out to the ball game', when we are already there?
» If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
» Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on you try first?
» Pinch your nose and try to hum!
» Working today. Leave me alone!!! ᴴᴬ ᴴᴬ ᴴᴬ ᴴᴬ ᴴᴬ ᴴᴬ
» I don't understand... why 2K10? It lಠಠks cಠಠl, but it's the same amount of digits as 2010!
» "Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, GOOSE!" ►►►►►►►►►►►►►►►►►►►►
» LOOK IT'S BOB!
☻/ This is Bob, copy paste him on
/▌ every update you see so he can
/ \ take over Facebook. You've been Bobbed.
» has been COW TIPPIN' and JUMPIN' BRIDGES!
» I karate chopped my science teacher in your bathroom because Big Bird said to and he's my leader.
» Poppin' bubble wrap is cheaper than therapy! Unfortunately, I need more than both!!!
» Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
» WELCOME TO THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA Press 1 for English. Press 2 to disconnect until you learn to speak English. And remember only two defining forces have ever offered to die for you, JESUS CHRIST. And the AMERICAN SOLDIER. One died for your soul, the other for your freedom. If you agree... copy and paste in your status....I did!!!!!
» For all those MEN out there who say, "Why buy the cow, when you can get the milk for free?" ...Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage. "Why?" you ask... because women realize it's not worth buying the entire pig just to get a little sausage!!!!!
» wonders if it is possible to develop a tolerance to the effects of COFFEE!!! ???????????
» The United States of America is the only country where we have homeless without shelter, children going to bed without eating, elderly going without needed meds, and mentally ill without treatment - yet we have a benefit for the people of Haiti on 12 TV stations. 99% of people won't have the guts to copy and repost this
» Life isn't fair, but it's still good! Ƹ̴Ӂ̴Ʒ
» Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater, give her sperm she will make a baby, give her a house she will give you a home, give her groceries she will give you a meal, give her a smile she will give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what she is given. So if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of sh-t... Pass it along if you agree.
» Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. ☼Today IS special!☼
» When I play rock/paper/scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to beat me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my already clenched fist and say, "Oh no, I'm sorry. I thought paper would protect you!"
» When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
» Are you thinking what I'm thinking that I think that you're thinking I'm thinking because if you think that I think what I think I'm thinking then we've got a problem!?!?!?
» Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
» Does anyone know where the heck I put my car keys??????????????
» Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.
» Dear Lord, This past year (2009) you have taken away my favorite actor, Patrick Swayze, my favorite actress, Farah Fawcett and my favorite salesman, Billy Mays. I just wanted to let you know that my favorite president is Obama. Amen.
» The funniest thing about this message is that by the time you realize it doesn't say anything its too late for you to stop reading it!
» By the time you read this you've already read it.
» We could all take a lesson from crayons: Some are sharp, some are beautiful, some have weird names, all are different colors;but they learned to live in the same box.
» ⋆✩⋆✯⋆✰SuperStar✰⋆✯⋆✩⋆
» Keep this going!!! What was the #1 song of the day you were born? Look it up @ bobborst.com, then copy & paste this to your profile. AND MY SONG WAS: Simon and Garfunkel ~ Bridge Over Troubled Water ˚͜˚
» Go to "Urbandictionary.com" and put your first name in the search. Then copy and paste the FIRST entry. No cheating.
» “Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'”
» What's the difference between a roast beef dinner, and pea soup? ANYONE CAN ROAST BEEF!
» Wh* th* H*LL d*n't m* D*MN V*W*LS SH*W *P????
» I wish my fish would quit staring at me everytime I walk past the tank! I feed the fatsos twice a day! I guess it's better they're staring at me instead of floating!
» An elephant met a naked man and said "Can you breath thro' that?"
» If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence you tried.
» FACEBOOK GAME ...here's the deal- IF you like me you have to click "LIKE" to this status.. real friends will click they like you, those who dont care so much wont....SOOO here's the moment of truth....Copy and paste this to your status...I guarantee not all of your friends will "like" you...can u beat 10??
» Although I L♥VE all of you, it has been recommended to me, that I cut most of you out of my will. ***EVIL LAUGHTER GROWS LOUDER AND LOUDER FROM YOUR COMPUTER'S SPEAKERS***
» I like to type "GR8TED" cheese.
» Please paste this if you know someone who has been eaten by kittens. My wish is that people will understand that being trampled to death by penguins and eaten by kittens is not something to be ashamed of. Penguins and Kittens are cute , but are devastatingly dangerous and should be stamped out.
» （^ ^）（´⌒`）Have you hugged a Beautiful, Fun, Amazing Bi Polar Friend yet today???
» Mean people SUCK! ┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐ ...Especially the mean people who pass their meanness onto their kids!
» I keep forgetting Tuesdays.
» Why do phrases that describe when one is "bustin' another's chops" sound so sexual??? Like "teasing", "givin' a hard time", "ribbin' ya", "yankin' your chain"... WHY? WHY? WHY? Curious mind[s] want to know! :P
» Put ♥ this ♥ on ♥ your ♥ status ♥ if ♥ you ♥ know ♥ someone ♥ who ♥ deserves ♥ a ♥ smack ♥ in ♥ the ♥ face ♥ with ♥ a ♥ shovel ;-)
» I wanna use someone else's status.
» ><))) º>Fishie fishie fishy fish<º))))><
» Did u know that when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm out and smack 'em in the head.
» What if you guys posted status updates like what we ladies were doing with our bra color? You could post how much snow there was during your last snowstorm. Ya know, like "8 inches", '3 inches" etc...
» my friends status said " suicidal and standing on a cliff " So I Poked Him.
» is thinking that Facebook must be female. Just when you think you've figured her all out, she changes.
» ”The greatest thing about Facebook, is that you can quote something and totally make up the source.” ~Gertrude Stein (put any famous person's name there)
» Why do men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
» scratch here ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ to reveal my latest status.
» just finished installing child locks on all my cabinets, trash cans and cupboards. Now let's see those kids try and get out of there! ˚͜˚
» "A clean house is the sign of a broken computer."
» my computer just beat me at chess...but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
» Heck is for people that don't believe in Gosh.
» I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad.
» ﭑ₰ ℓϱ∂ɤϞﭑϞ9 ∂ Ϟϱω ƒoϞϯ
» You'd think with all of these inane changes, FB would at least create "Dislike" and "Love" (or "♡") buttons, too!
» I hate it when I accidentally ___________________.
» I was gonna copy someone else's status, but I forgot what it is and now, I can't find it on my home page. (ಥ_ಥ)
» I could definitely meet my weight loss goal if I had to pedal my computer!
» Google "Where is Chuck Norris" and click "I'm Feeling Lucky".
» click "Ctrl W" to see something amazing!
» I don't care what you say, I "Like" my status anyway! :P
» I have thought of the dumbest thing to put in my status, but I'm not gonna!
» Boy George is my best friend.
» I'm apologize... My pet monkey got away from me and colored on your wall! ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((> ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((> ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
» Although I have but one life to live... all my children will probably be young & restless because I've struggled so much with the guiding light, at least they will be bold and beautiful!
» You never know what I have up my sleeve. Today, for instance, it was a goldfish cracker.
» I is up. bUT, my brian is NOT fooly funktional yet!
» needs Mr. Clean to come and work for her!
» At my funeral, I want people to still be laughing at how it all happened.
» is very proud of herself! It has been several months since she dropped her last cell phone in the toilet!
» If the medical profession really wanted to be dicks, they would add a new letter to ADHD every year.
» Speaking of vampires, today I'm going to start every sentence with “speaking of vampires...”
» How much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
» Why is it necessary to be quiet in church? One bright little girl replied, "Because people are sleeping."
» Some people are like SLINKIES - not really good for anything, but they BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE when PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS.
» God made butt cracks go up and down and not side to side, so when we would go down a slide it doesn't sound like this...blubflubblibblubflib!
» ❤❤¸.•*¨*•☆Put ♥ this ♥ on ♥ your ♥ status ♥ if ♥ you ♥ have ♥ the ♥ most ♥ beautiful ♥ DAUGHTER(S) ♥ in the ♥ world☆•*¨*•.¸¸❤❤¸.•*¨*•☆☆•*¨*•.¸¸❤❤
» I can't really remember, but I think my life must have been a lot more productive before I discovered Facebook.
» Give a person a fish you feed them for a day, teach a person to use facebook and they won't bother you for weeks.
» Did you know? They've been lying to us the whole time...??????
» Ha! I told you I could spend a whole day without going on facebook. Oh crap!
» When life gives you lemons, make grape juice and let the world wonder how you did it.
» Crazy people are exhausting... and, I'm very exhausted!
» They're coming to take me away HA HA, they're coming to take me away HO HO, They're coming to take me away HA HA HO HO!!! ...OH, they're here...
» has♥the♥GREATEST♥DADDY♥in♥the♥WHOLE♥WIDE♥WORLD!♥
» Oxymoron = Anarchy Rules!
» Oxymoron??? - Chocolate ‘Nilla Wafers
» Go on Google and start typing "Why are me", STOP there and look at the suggestions Google gives you!
» OOO... OOO... PICK ME! PICK ME! PICK MY STATUS!!! ˚͜˚
» What day is it?
» Let me get a big "HELL YEAH!" from the red neck girls like me!
» Friends Are Like Potatoes...If You Eat Them They Die.
» #1 sign that you are turning into your parents: When someone shows you their new Nikes, you press the toe to see if there is enough room.
» My imaginary friends keep leaving me out. :'(
» This cold weather really interferes with my flagpole licking.
» The voices in her head keep calling her... but as soon as she puts one on hold, another calls!!! Between the voices and the ringing, she's going bonkers today.
» wonders what childless IDIOT invented glitter?
» ...just balanced my check book, and discovered that I have enough money to last the rest of my life, unless I buy something or pay a bill. ٩(͡๏̯͡๏)۶
» OKAY! WHO is Anonymous? And, HOW did they get MY phone Number???
» I'm hiding my status from you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, and you, but not you, and not you....
» I'm telepathically cleaning my house! So if you're really nice to me, maybe I'll "think" about cleaning yours too!
» This content is currently unavailableThe page you requested cannot be displayed right now. It may be temporarily unavailable, the link you clicked on may have expired, or you may not have permission to view this page. Return home
» is tired of being closed up. Help lighten her mood, insert joke, funny comment, or sarcastic remark here: _____________________________. Thank you!
» ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((> ______ I'm drawin' a blank here....
» I have learned a new solution for when I'm feeling down, whistle.... It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.
» !ih si syas ti lla, syas siht tahw tuo erugif uoy nehw taht gnitatirri yrev ti dnif yam uoy
» The best business idea in 2010.... FaceBook rehab centers throughout country.
» My left mind is pretty crowded at the moment.
» I'm so happy!!! The doctors just gave me a jacket so im always hugging myself!!
» ¿ɹǝʌo ʇı dılɟ ʇsnɾ ǝʍ ʇ,uop ʎɥʍ uǝɥʇ ǝpıs ɹǝɥʇo ǝɥʇ uo ɹǝuǝǝɹƃ sʎɐʍlɐ sı ssɐɹƃ ǝɥʇ ɟı
» How come when you open a can of evaporated milk, it's still there?
» Last night, I saw a commercial for the Snuggie. I thought it was stupid idea, but I couldn’t change the channel because I was under a blanket and I didn’t want my arms to get cold!
» never play leapfrog with a unicorn!
» I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do.
» ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶ ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ ٩(●̮̮̃•̃)۶
» Before therapy, I was a raging asshole... But, I'm comfortable with that now.
» Hey! Wasn't it an hour earlier yesterday? (Daylight Savings)
» I'm going cRaZy, I tell ya!!! ...........I tell ya, I'm going cRaZy!!!
» I just heard on the news that there is a crazy naked person driving down the highway... then I realized they were wrong... I'm not crazy!
» ٩(-̮̮̃-̃)۶ Show some LOVE! ♥ Please "sign" below! ♥
» It's Daughter Week !!! ♥ If you have one daughter or more, who makes your life interesting and fun, is a blessing in your life, and makes life worth living, copy and paste this to your status. ♥ The world would not be the same without our beautiful daughters.
» Mi nombre es Iñigo Montoya. Tú mataste a mi padre, prepárate para morir.
» HI!
» is tied up at the moment. ...Seriously, someone PLEASE help me untie all these knots!!!
» I bet that in prison, everyone's relationship status is set to "it's complicated".
» My friend's 7-year-old keeps announcing whatever it is he's about to do. I had to break the news to him that only grownups on social media networks get to do that.
» Dear men who are smart and hot and awesome and madly in love with me: Please start existing.
» keeps a fake journal claiming she's done monumental stuff, so if she ever develops amnesia, she's gonna think she's freakin' AWESOME!
» (subliminal message) ... !001$ lliJ dnes...dneirf ruoy si lliJ...001$ lliJ dnes...001$ lliJ dneS. (=
» is Facebook is the only place where its acceptable to talk to a wall?
» Automatic doors make me feel like a Jedi.
» Just got a fb message pop up telling me that "something went wrong, please try again later." ...I was just reading someone's status! How the heck can something go wrong with that??? WHAT!!! Was I not reading it correctly?
» I'm glad I have a Toyota. Now if I get pulled over I can blame the accelerator! :D
» Some days you are the pigeon, some days you are the statue.
» How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand.
» Going out of my mind now, be back later (maybe)!
» 's brain isn't working very well this morning.... probably gonna recycle a few status updates later if I can't get up and running.
» is very receptive to compliments!
» Did you know that "Go Hang A Salami" is "I'm A Lasagna Hog" backwards?
» Handle every stressful situation like a dog. If you can't eat it or play with it, Just pee on it and walk away.
» ¡ⓢⓔⓛⓑⓑⓤⓑ pɹɐʍʞɔɐq ƃuıʍolq uʍop ǝpısdn sı
» Gonna see how long I can ignore facebook today! :)
» It's so great being so blessed in so many ways! ˚͜˚
» A Blond is watching the news with her husband when the newscaster says 6 Brazilian men die in a skydiving accident. The blonde starts crying to her husband, sobbing ‘That’s horrible!’ Confused, he says, ‘Yes dear, it is sad, but they were skydiving, and,there is that risk involved.’ After a few minutes, the blonde, still sobbing, says, ‘How many is a Brazilian?’
» I wish to wish the wish you wish to wish, but if you wish the wish the witch wishes, I won’t wish the wish you wish to wish.
» Mr. See owned a saw.And Mr. Soar owned a seesaw. Now See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw Before Soar saw See, Which made Soar sore.Had Soar seen See’s saw Before See sawed Soar’s seesaw, See’s saw would not have sawed Soar’s seesaw. So See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw.But it was sad to see Soar so sore Just because See’s saw sawed Soar’s seesaw.
» I've got "DING DONG, the witch is dead, the Wicked Witch is dead..." stuck in my head!!! LOL
» has a problem with premature turnsignalization!(It ANNOYS her!)
» ___________________ is on my my mind today.
» is vertically challenged this morning.
» Years ago, I came into this world naked & screaming! Now things have changed... when I’m naked, somebody else does the screaming!
» Oh my gosh! I gotta make a left turn in Albuquerque, I must stay in the passing lane all the way through Nashville!!!
» After Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF!
» hates housework. You dust, you wash the dishes, you do the laundry and six months later you have to do it all over again.
» You have ten fish, five of them drown, three come back to life. How many fish do you have? (10, fish don't drown stupid!)
» is the kind of girl who will burst out laughing at something that totally happened last week! :D
» OOh e OOh AH AH, ting tang walla walla bing bang... OOh e OOh AH AH, ting tang walla bing bang!!! good luck trying to get that out of your head!!!
» sorry status update no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this message in error, please try agan.
» would find it amusing if fruit screamed when you ate it! ♥
» WE LIVE IN THE LAND OF THE FREE, ONLY BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE!
» Среќен Вторник Април шестата, две илјади и десет!
» got up, got dressed ...still cant figure out why?
» Don't sweat the petty things. Don't pet the sweaty things.
» My short term memory is not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my short term memory is not as sharp as it used to be...
» knows somethin' you don't know! :p
» palms on the ground, toes in the clouds... arms in the clouds, feet on the ground... palms on the ground, toes in the clouds... arms in the clouds, feet on the ground... ...head in the clouds, feet on the ground!
» it would be cool if your pets could talk except when you remember everything you've ever done in front of your pets.
» :a cynical optimist. I expect the best; I’m just never surprised when I don’t find it.
» 401-Keg Investment:(PUT IN 1ST COMMENT)If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you would have $49.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you would have $33.00 today. If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you would have $0.00 today. But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you would have received $214.00!!! Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg. A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that Americans drink, on average, 22 gallons of alcohol a year. That means that, on average, Americans get about 41 miles to the gallon!
» Help my status, fill in the blank: __________________________________________
» I just read that burglars use Facebook to see when people aren't home. So from now on, I'M AT HOME. WITH A SHOTGUN. AND A HUNGRY CROCODILE. ......And, waiting on the mailman to bring all of those envelopes with $1 in 'em! :p
» Can you help lol? ...The little guy appears to be drowning!
» appreciates facebook birthday reminders.
» WARNING! Facebook will automatically scan your brain through your monitor. To block, go to Kitchen Cabinets, then remove box that says, "Aluminum Foil." Wrap foil around your head, stay calm & breath through your left nostril. This is serious & has been confirmed by CNN, Fox, & my cousin's girlfriend's neighbor's aunt and her pet poodle. Please copy and paste as your status and SAVE all your Friends!
» read somewhere that Monday is the most productive day of the work/school week. Today I will be doing my part to reduce this ugly statistic.
» You can never thaw a frozen computer screen with a blow dryer.
» LOOK!!! I gotta a BIG head! ⎝⏠⏝⏠⎠
» :p"" THHHHBBBBBBBBBBBB!!! (Crap! Now my computer screen is all wet with spit!)
» has ordered a home delivery from KFC and Denny's simultaneously, so she can see which comes first, the chicken or the eggs.
» is stalking her own fb profile...
» I'm quitting facebook and joining youtwitface.com!
» wishes everyone a Happy Earth Day (as if we had another planetary option).
» Facebook...the website created by and designed for social phobics. (Thanks Steve!)
» Dear Earth, I hope you enjoyed your DAY. Sincerely, Uranus (post the day after Earth Day- April 22nd)
» I don’t mind dust bunnies because … they are very good company, I have named most of them, and they agree with everything I say.
JillyBean ˚͜˚ Murphy♥
(V)
(. .)
c(”)(”)
» The facebook server is unable to verify your connection and is unable to reveal this status update. Please restart your computer and try viewing again.
» 's question of the day: "why is Monday sooooo far away from Friday, and Friday so bloody close to Monday?"
» if a turtle lost it shell, would it be naked or homeless??
» ask me 1 question, and I'll give you 1 answer... it will be the honest truth. No catch!
» Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
» A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don't need it.
» Whenever I fill out an application, in the part that says "If an emergency, notify:" I put "DOCTOR". What's my mother going to do?
» Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
» The sole purpose of a child's middle name, is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.
» The voices in my head may not be real, but they have some good ideas!
» Why do Americans choose from just two people to run for president and 50 for Miss America?
» I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
» Is it okay to use my Grandma's Life-Alert® to summon some coffee? (Bryan "Schizo" Hoskins)
» I know why life is a "circus", it's because of all of the "clowns" that we run into everyday. =) (Bryan "Schizo" Hoskins)
» Just found the laundry fairy, dead at the bottom of the hamper. That explains a lot! (Alexandra G.)
» You're never too old to learn something stupid.
» I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.
» When tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.
» You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
» To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
» has completely mastered the right way to do everything wrong.
» Before giving someone a piece of your mind, be sure you have enough to spare.
» If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that 1 enjoys it? (repeat?)
» FOR SALE: XBOX 360 ELITE, DSI, DS, Wii, PSP GO, $210 bike, an IPOD, toys, and a library worth of books, because, according to my son and daughter, "I have NOTHING to do!"......Seriously????
» This is a test of the facebook emergency notification system. Had this been an actual emergency, the entire message would have been in capital letters.
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