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"Paradise is exactly like where you are right now... only much, much better." Laurie Anderson
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"When you're riding in a time machine way far into the future, don't stick your elbow out the window, or it'll turn into a fossil." J.H. Deep thought
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"How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, compassionate with the aged, sympathetic with the striving, and tolerant of the weak and strong. Because someday in your life you will have been all of these." George Washington Carver
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"Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out." J.H. Deep thought
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"If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive." Samuel Goldwyn
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"Maybe in order to understand mankind, we have to look at the word itself: "Mankind". Basically, it's made up of two separate words - "mank" and "ind". What do these words mean ? It's a mystery, and that's why so is mankind." J.H. Deep thought
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"Not only is life a bitch, but it is always having puppies." Adrienne Gusoff
"Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis." J.H. Deep thought
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"Life is like a coin. You can spend it any way you wish, but you only spend it once." Lillian Dickson
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"I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"" J.H. Deep thought
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"He who has a why to live can bear almost any how." Friedrich Nietzsche
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"When you go in for a job interview, I think a good thing to ask is if they ever press charges." J.H. Deep thought
"To me, boxing is like a ballet, except there's no music, no choreography, and the dancers hit each other." J.H. Deep thought
"Probably the earliest flyswatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick." J.H. Deep thought
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"If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."" J.H. Deep thought
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"In spite of the cost of living, it's still popular." Kathy Norris
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"Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see." J.H. Deep thought
"Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It's a shark riding on an elephant's back, just trampling and eating everything they see." J.H. Deep thought
"I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad." J.H. Deep Thought
"Instead of trying to build newer and bigger weapons of destruction, we should be thinking about getting more use out of the ones we already have." J. H. Deep Thought
"It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But what they don't tell you is that every time you hear a mouse trap snap, and Angel gets set on fire." J.H. Deep Thought
"If you're in a war, instead of throwing a hand grenade at the enemy, throw one of those small pumpkins. Maybe it'll make everyone think how stupid war is, and while they are thinking, you can throw a real grenade at them." J.H. Deep Thought
"I hope life isn't a big joke, because I don't get it." J.H. Deep Thought (I CAN RELATE TO THIS!)
"If I ever opened a trampoline store, I don't think I'd call it Trampo-Land, because you might think it was a store for tramps, which is not the impression we are trying to convey with our store. On the other hand, we would not prohibit tramps from browsing, or testing the trampolines, unless a tramp's gyrations seemed to be getting out of control." J.H. Deep Thought
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"I think I've discovered the secret of life - you just hang around until you get used to it. Charles Schulz
(Posted on FB Sunday, March 15, 2009 at 8:21pm)
Rich M.: "I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff, then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What was THAT?!"" J.H. Deep thought"
This is the funniest thing I have read in a LONG time. It makes me want to do this.
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